I thought it was time to chuckle at ourselves. Here’s 21 well-intentioned, slightly amusing things I think zero wasters will get. Let me know if you find yourself nodding along to these because you know EXACTLY what I mean. No doubt you’ll think of more if you’ve taken an interest in zero waste and plastic free living so go ahead and put them in the comments at the bottom.
You know you’re a zero waster when…
1. …you hoard glass jars
2. …you are on a first name basis with staff everywhere you shop
3. …you know what ACV, WGAC, BYOC, SCOBY and the 5Rs stands for
4. …you insist you don’t mind washing so many dishes
5. …you take selfies of you drinking with a reusable straw (even though you didn’t use a straw before)
6. …the hashtag #bulkisbeautiful does not refer to your bulging biceps
7. …you have worms (of the composting variety)
8. …you can have full conversations about your toilet paper, or lack of it
9. …people talk to you about food or products from the supermarket and you have no idea what they’re talking about, truly
10. …you carry a knife at all times (and other cutlery)
11. …your presence at kids’ birthday parties makes other adults slightly uneasy – you didn’t say anything but now they’re thinking of all the single-use items and packaging strewn everywhere
12. …you’re not sure if you are a minimalist or a hoarder and wonder if you can be both – the confusion is torturing you
13. …you lost weight without even trying – how did that happen!
14. …you feel no shame in sticking your hands in garbage to retrieve reusable and recyclable items, in fact, you find going through garbage fascinating and you fantasise about dumpster diving (if you’re not already doing it)
15. …you’d rather let your hands air-dry or dry them on your clothes than use paper towel
16. …you can eat everything you apply to your body or use to clean your home – it might not taste good but it’s technically edible
17. …you hoard recyclables until you can dispose of them properly
18. …you spend hours on YouTube trying to figure out how to fix something – this will not beat you!
19. …you start taking classes in soap making, sewing, composting, and bread making
20. …you convince yourself that bad body odour is a tactic in competitive sport until you find a natural, plastic free deodorant that works
21. …you do this when someone hands you bottled water.